he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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