So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
