So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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