mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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