I met the friendliest cop last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
