I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
