i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
