it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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