She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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