got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize