You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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