Me too!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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