i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
