my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize