I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
