I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
