I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
