btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
