so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize