Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
