he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
