Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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