just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
