when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
