I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
