I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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