I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
