Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
