ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
