Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
