As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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