using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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