and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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