I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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