just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
