Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
