well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Come see our sink grown plant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
