Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
