You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
