i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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