So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
