Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
