the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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