Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
