So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
