Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
