Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
