I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
