its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
