Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i now understand why vodka
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
