she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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