so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
