I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
