dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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