Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
