he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
