I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
