9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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