I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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