I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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