God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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