Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
