Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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