Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
