I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
