Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize