Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
