Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
