I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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