I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
where are my eyebrows?
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