wakey wakey hands off snakey
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
