How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
