My first STD was from a foam party
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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