shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
