Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
