After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
