How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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