then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
